I can very clearly remember going to church on Mother's Day and my mom and I crying as all the mothers were acknowledged and given flowers and what not. Now, I don't cry much! And I definitely don't cry in public! So, it must have been quite emotional and painful for me, despite the fact that publicly, I didn't talk about it much and never let on that it was "a big deal".
I also recall the countless women in my clinic who "had" to come to my office to tell me they were pregnant so we could start the planning process of their being off of work. MOST of the time, they were crying because they did NOT want to tell me. I always reassured them that my fertility issues in no way should dampen their excitement and tried to assure them that I was genuinely very happy for them! And I really was!
But as I have said a hundred times, and will probably say hundred, because I am asked "the story" all the time of my girls' adoption, it was all in God's timing.
I wasn't one of those women who sat around obsessing about the fact that, for whatever reason, (and no we never knew why), who couldnt' have children. I just put my mind to doing what I could to help make it happen. I think Todd and I must have spent about four or five years going through fertility treatments, driving two hours one way to see a doctor. We ended up doing six inseminations and 2 in vitro treatments (ICSI if you are one who really knows all about the ins and outs of fertility treatments). Twice, I was implanted with 3 zygotes. Twice, we had three little embryos on our fridge, only to take them down when we went in for our check up a few weeks later.
As I have shared in the past, the very day that we put Jake on the plane to St. Jude was the very day that my second (and final) in vitro failed! That was no coincidence, I now know. In fact that fateful day is slowly approaching us (June 1).
I didn't know why then, but I accepted it.
I remember clearly praying that God was giving the miracle I had been praying for to Jake. And I believed that whole heartedly!
For two+ years, I was fully available to drive Staci's other two young uns back and forth to see their mom and brother 5 hours away. I was fully there to let them inhabit my upstairs and live with me and Todd. I am talking LIVING with us, the daily grind! Up early in the morning with lots of prodding, lunch money, new leggings for ball practice, zit medicine, keeping up with the current clothing trends, etc. That was my practice run for motherhood!
In retrospect, if those in vitros had taken, we would have had an infants (or multiples!) when my family needed me the most.
In retrospect, if those in vitros had taken, we would have had an infants (or multiples!) when my family needed me the most.
So, you know the rest of the story.... Jake passed away on October 5, 2006. He had my full attention and love , and my sister and brother-in-law had all of me too, during his illness.
When Jake passed away, we were sad, naturally, but there were distractions coming our way. I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW that Jake was working with God to take care of his family. Staci and Don hit the "jackpot", Jin won a new convertible sports car in a raffle, Staci found out she was pregnant with a little girl, then, lo and behold it was my turn!
I got a call out of the clear blue for a young girl who wanted to know if I wanted her baby.
Flash forward to July 12, and this precious bundle of joy was handed to me. Todd and I could not hide our emotions. I well up just thinking back to that day. It was totally overwhelming!
Then, as most of you also know, we find out that to determine the date of your baby's conception, you add three months and subtract a week. WHAT?! October 5? The EXACT day of Jake's death was the EXACT day of my child's conception.
Jake KNEW that I would need that "coincidence" as affirmation that it was all part of the grand plan!
But he and God weren't finished with their showing off. They waited 8 months, then phone call number two came in! ANOTHER baby?! This just doesn't happen. And if I could've chosen exactly what I wanted, it would have been two girls! I should've known... perfect!
And now, being a mom is the highlight of my WORLD!
So, I guess I am posting all of this today to encourage those of you out there who may not really understand why the motherhood thing isn't coming easily for you. Maybe it isn't your time. What is happening in your life right now that is precisely what you are meant to be doing right now? What really needs your total attention? Dwell on THAT!
If you are meant to be a mom, you will be.
God handles all that planning. ... all the little details.
Thank you, Jesus, for my babies. For making me a mom. And for laying my name on the hearts of two young ladies out there who very generously and lovingly placed their children in the care of me and Todd. We vow to do our best to make them strong, independent, HAPPY, hard-working, respectful, well adjusted little ladies.
Happy Mother's Day... to ALL of you.
And Happy Mother's Day, especially to my mom who made me all of those adjectives mentioned above! We had a very happy childhood and continue to have a very happy adulthood with mom still making it clear that we are her "little girls". Our home was a happy one. I see myself mothering like you already. There's a reason that Staci and I have chosen to build our homes here and to never even entertain the possibility of moving away. You instilled in us a very deep sense of family, and neither of us could ever imagine being away from you or dad.
And to Todd's mom... we love you and I am thankful to you for the work you did to raise the man who eventually became my husband. He tells me stories of his youth all the time and how he was not allowed to feel or talk about any "privilege" he may have had. He was taught humility and kindness. He is a big ol' soft hearted teddy bear. And I know his mom had everything to do with that. So, Happy MOther's Day to you.
Oh, and for today's Question. ( I know I am behind one!)
What trait did you get from your mom, that you fully recognize and appreciate?!
I am going to say a real appreciation of holidays. GO BIG or GO HOME! We do everything in a bit of "excess" when it comes to holidays. When we celebrate holidays big, we tend to celebrate the everyday "mildly" too! Thanks, Mom.
Your post seriously made me cry! I, too, went through all the fertility treatments, pills, surgeries, inseminations, etc... only to have nothing work. One day I finally just let God take control and do whatever he thought was best. Needless to say, I now have 2 adorable children that I've adopted. Motherhood is the BEST thing in the world. I was angry at myself, my husband, God, and everybody else for me not being able to get pregnant. That one day though, something touched me. I knew that God had a plan and that I had to follow him and let him lead me where he wanted me to go. I decided to be patient and let him take control. I'm so thankful for what the outcome was. I've never been so blessed in my life! Melanie, I wish you a very Happy Mother's Day, and I hope you have a wonderful day! I hope one day I'll get to meet you. I actually had a dream the other night that I pulled up at hour house and saw Todd on a tractor. You were inside painting and came out to talk to me. Then all of the sudden, we were having a hayride with all of the kids. haha. Weird dream, but sounds like fun! Give the girls an especially big hug today! Happy Mother's Day!
Happy Mother's Day Mo!
Happy Mother's Day! May your day be filled with such joy!
With tears in my eyes from such a touching post, I want to wish you the Happiest of Mother's Days! You deserve as much love and joy as possible. As our pastor pointed out this morning, we shouldn't recognize our moms and grandmas just on one Sunday a year, we should celebrate them each and everyday!
A very happy mother's day to Jin Jin and Staci as well.
You gave me goosebumps and made me cry. We went through a tough time trying to get pregnant and we are VERY blessed with a sweet little girl. I love reading your posts. You're an awesome person that I've never had the honor of meeting but I feel like I know you. Happy Mother's Day!!
Wow....what a great post. Just put my contacts in and my eye makeup on and now ....well...I have to re-do it! So happy for you and your little details. You are a lucky mama and THEY are LUCKY LUCKY LUCKY little girls!! SO happy things worked out for you the way they did. WOW!!
Oh.....This post made me cry too! A VERY HAPPY MOTHER"S DAY TO YOU and to all who read this post! I agree that what is meant to be will be! My husband and I tried for over two year to have a baby and we had 4 miscarriages. The hard part for me was working as a social worker for first time parents. I was going into the homes of many single moms and many teen moms who were upset being pregnant. I would see their belly bumps and get truly frustrated that they didn't understand the gift they were being given.
Children are certainly God's gifts to us and we have been blessed by three of our own. When they are all noisy, fussy and crabby I have to laugh and think it will not always be this way. Soon the house will be quiet and I will long for the day's of noise and chaos.
When my son was 3 he was very excited to say "Happy Mother's Day"! He had been waiting for days to unveil his gift to me and could barely contain himself. After a few minutes he said, "Mother's Day is a great day but when is Kid's Day?"
I think there should be a kid's day to celebrate the joy and good times they bring to our lives.
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!
Yes, your right,......it's all about HIS timing. Enjoy your mother's day!
melanie, you are truly blessed with a beautiful family. i am so happy for you. and i totally agree that God has a plan & it's all in His timing.
i think the trait i've gotten from my mom is her body/looks. heehee! all my life everyone has always said i looked like my dad & his side of the family.. and now that i'm older & since mom passed away & i gained some weight, everyone says i look like my mom. after she lost a lot of weight from cancer & me after having a baby.. our bodies are really similar. and i just loooove that. and i love that i look like her. and i just hope & pray i can be just as amazing of a person & mother as she was.
happy mother's day, mel!
Happy Mother's Day!!! You are truly a wonderful mother.....those little girls are so blessed to have you as their Mom as you are so blessed to have such beautiful little girls. You are an amazing family!!!!
Thanks Melanie. I needed to read this today!
happy mother's day! such sweet pictures to go with a sweet story of your journey :) i'm coming home next weekend--the 21st. i hope you didn't have all of the fun without me!
Absolutely beautiful. A wonderful tribute to motherhood no matter HOW we there! Have a very Happy Mother's Day!
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I think when women start talking about their journey to a family, they realize they are not alone. We also did two IVF cycles with ICSI. Today, I am the proud mom of two sweet 1 week old babies. You painted their canvases. And, those verses you added are the two verses that got me through every difficult day and procedure. God's timing is perfect. His plan for us is perfectly written. Infertility is a difficult journey. For those still waiting, my prayer for you is patience, perfect timing and the most amazing reward of motherhood.
Today, my prayers end with this: The LORD has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy. Psalms 126:3. I just might need that on a canvas. :)
Happy Mother's day Mo! And yes, we were "cuted out" with Gabbi's pics in the prev. post. Sha tootie!
Happy Mother's Day, Mo!!!
Thank you for sharing your story. I, too, was an infertility patient. The journey is long and extremely hard. It took 4 yrs to get pregnant with our daughter and 3 yrs with our son. We had a boy and a girl and were done. (Or so we thought) God had other plans!! When our children were 12 and 8 we found out I was pregnant! After taking many home pregnancy tests over the years we did not believe the first one so we did another. Then that night we took the kids to the movies, I excused myself, went to the store next door, bought another one and did it in the bathroom at the movie theater. They were all positive but I still couldn't believe it. Well, our kids had a pet rabbit at the time and it was fine when we left. Well, when we got home that night, there that rabbit was, in it's cage dead. When I told my husband the rabbit died he said that's gotta be a sign from God that this really was true. When I went to the doctor I asked her if she was going to do a pregnancy test and she said "Don't you think you've done enough of them?"
Being older, the pregnancy was rough and it wasn't until she was 10 months old that I learned why she had been sent to us. My dad passed away right after she turned 10 months old and if it wasn't for that little girl I don't think I could have gone on. Our other two were old enough to fend for themselves but I HAD to take care of her. When I thought I couldn't go on she would look at me and smile or do something to make me laugh. She brought the joy back into our house. God knew my dad would be going home and I truly believe he sent her to us to get me through it all and give us hope and happiness for tomorrow.
Fifteen years (almost to the day) after we started trying to have a baby, our third child, Kailey, was born. (and my husband visited a urologist!!! lol) (I was too old to do this again!) Our children are now 22, 18 and 10. I am one truly blessed mom.
Happy Mother's Day to you! and thank you for sharing your precious little girls with us.
Your post was AWESOME!! David and I shared our adoption story today at church! It was great to speak about it! Hope you had a fabulous day!!! HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!
OK, I'm a little behind. Not at all like me because I check your blog every day. Love, love, love your house. It's is spectacular, unbelievable, a dream come true. It truly is beautiful beyond all my imaginings! Just like your little girls. I cried when I read your mother's day post. You're an amazing MOM. I have one daugher who is 38. That's age in years. She is more like 13. I love her with every fiber of my being. She is very difficult to be around at times and not everyone can handle being around her but she is mine. My only child and I thank God for her every day. I know how blessed I am to be a Mom. She was a pure joy to raise until her teenage years and that brought so much trouble that ended in many a prayerful night. I'm blessed to still have her but my heart hurts every day for her. I've learned to let go and let God. He has the plan and there's not one I trust more to guide my child in wherever He leads her. God bless you and all your family and Happy Mother's Day.
Beautiful, Mo. Love the pics of your girls. You are truly blessed!
What trait did I get from my mother? This one's tough, because I got several. If I have to mention just one, though, it would be cooking/baking. I love to cook/bake, and it's because of my mother. She makes everything "from scratch". That's my kind of cooking! :-)
And, this is why I love you. Peace, God's love, and everything else.
What a beautiful story. I've read it before, but reading it today seemed like the first time. So elequently put! I clearly remember my nervousness in telling my family about my first pregnancy because my sister had been through so much trying to conceive. She was the one who hugged me the tightest and the longest and she was the one who was the happiest for me. Sisters are such precious angels! Your babies are fortunate to have you as their Mama!
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